giggleboi (giggleboi) wrote in sexinboston,

need some advice...

please pardon any cross-postings you might encounter...

hi, all...this is my first post here.  i've got a question for you all, and am hoping to get some advice.

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over 6 months.  we've had some rocky moments due to some lifestyle differences, but for the most part, we enjoy being with one another.  he and i have gotten into the subject of porn on occasion, and he's said that while he has no problem with people enjoying porn, he himself does not, he thinks it's sad, that the people in it are desperate or being taken advantage of, etc.

he's not the most computer savvy person, so he leaves e-trails on my computer.  i've recently learned that he FREQUENTLY checks out internet porn for long periods of time when i'm not home.  now, if it weren't for the fact that he is outwardly uninterested in porn and would tell ME (a pretty liberal guy who's expressed enjoyment for porn) so, i'd not really care so much...i mean, it's just porn, right?  maybe it's something he wants to himself, and would rather not share that with me.  fine, no problem on that front.  just because he likes it doesn't mean he'd necessarily feel comfortable enjoying it with me...i can deal with that.

what gets me, though, is the KIND of porn he likes.  when i first discovered this, i was floored.  for the most part, it's heterosexual porn.  he's fond of pictures of women's genitals.  now, my boyfriend is pretty feminine...he always bottoms...and when we have sex, he hides his genitals, much to my disappointment.  he also rarely gets an erection, and prefers to let me f**k him until i come, then he masturbates or sits on me while masturbating until he comes.  he's not capable of being a top for me, which is something i've had to come to accept, though i wish things were different.  what i'm hinting at is that in some ways, i think he wishes he were a girl, or maybe even thinks of himself as a girl.  so, that's something that tends to make me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

but it gets worse.  he's got a particular fancy for incest porn...and lots of it.  all kinds...some gay incest, but mostly sons and mothers.

i'm pretty tolerant, but this kind of thing bothers usually is a reflection of fantasy...i like to explore fantasies...if he were looking at, oh piss videos or leather or whatever, i could consider opening up those fantasies into real-world play with him...but as for incest, i can never make it happen because we're not related...furthermore, it's something that i just can't stomach...when i think about my parents or makes me ill.  he's made reference to how similar i am to his older i have to i some kind of surrogate?  or worse, has he actually had intimate relations with his siblings or parents?  you see, incest is not a "normal" thing, in my opinion...with all different kinds of porn out there, i just have a real problem with the incest stuff...

what eats me away, too, is that i don't know how to bring this up to would be very embarassing for him, for one thing.  he's a real sweetheart, and i don't want him to feel ashamed of himself.  at the same time, if there are issues there, i think he should see someone about it.  any advice??
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